I just lately learn True Love: A Follow for Awakening the Coronary heart, by Thich Nhat Hanh. It is a good little e book that emphasizes that real love is unconditional. And, acceptable for the trainer whose writing launched myself and lots of others to mindfulness, he additionally factors out we have to be current to others to be really loving. He makes use of an amusing variation of the well-known quote from Descartes “I believe, subsequently I’m”: noting that pondering can take us out of the current, he says “I believe, subsequently I’m not right here”.
The important thing practices within the e book revolve round 4 sayings he recommends to be used with our family members:
“Expensive one, I’m right here for you”.
“Expensive one, I do know that you’re right here, and it makes me very comfortable”.
Expensive one, I do know that you’re struggling, and that’s the reason I’m right here for you”.
Expensive one, I’m struggling, assist me please”.
He exhibits necessary examples the place these are helpful. The fourth one is illustrated by the poignant story of a younger spouse who takes her life as a result of her husband has develop into hostile in the direction of her and he or she doesn’t perceive why. He in flip, mistakenly believed she had been untrue. If both had approached the opposite with the fourth saying, and so they had then communicated, this might have been prevented.
There’s additionally a touching story within the e book of just a little boy whose father, a profitable however busy businessman, asks his son what he desires for his birthday. The boy doesn’t know what to say, as a result of all he actually desires is for his dad to spend extra time with him. Making time for these we love is excessive on the listing of suggestions.
One other apply he recommends is deep listening/loving speech. Being conscious throughout our interactions with family members permits us to be actually current and hear extra deeply. As for loving speech, the Sufis have a saying that there needs to be three gate keepers guarding the tongue earlier than we communicate, asking “Is it true? Is it form? and Is is important?”. Thich Nhat Hanh would agree with that, which is what he means by loving speech. After I’m getting along with a bigger group of associates (on-line, lately) I at all times attempt to remind myself “discuss much less/hear extra”. I seldom keep in mind to truly do it, however take pleasure in it after I do.
I actually take pleasure in Thich Nhat Hanh’s apply of hugging meditation which he has additionally really helpful in different books. That could be a time when it’s additional pleasant to be actually be current! I keep in mind him mentioning in one in every of his different books that he was thanked by the spouse of an attendee of one in every of his retreats, whose husband was now practising hugging her much more mindfully, and it made fairly a distinction.